6

Almost two years ago today

Sálvame
I never understood what fear was
All of the stories about the war,
I sympathized but couldn’t do much else
Now, I get it

Mujeres fuertes
mujeres heridas
mujeres aterorrizadas,
your eyes are my eyes now

Now I know what it is
to walk with a target on your forehead
to walk looking backward,
to pray to whatever gods or goddesses to have mercy on your soul,
to pray for death with an inhale and life in the exhale because
you don’t know which one will give you more peace,
to loathe the warm embrace of the sun because it means
another day walking down the barrel of a gun,
to imagine your death a thousand different ways
because you know they’re thinking of a thousand and one.

Quizás I assume incorrectly, for you are much stronger than I.
Ustedes make tortillas under fire,
with the hot breath of injusticia on your neck
creating beads of lucha and sweat on your brow.

Breathe your espiritu into me
because I am not going to lie to you,
my chest is heavy with despair.

Wash me in the waters of your esperanza,
clean me for I am buried under a layer of dirt
from so much crawling on my hands and knees.

I never knew what fear was,
but now I do.

I am fear’s newest bride,
raped night after night
until my tear ducts are flooded
like the rivers that once carried the bodies
of your loved ones.

My spirit is barren like your land was: scorched earth.

But you rebuilt
you lived again 
you fought
you won.
Teach me
because right now I have no consolation
because I am weak
because I know I am more than this
because I believe in you
because I need you to believe in me

Madres, hermanas, tías, primas:
Sálvame.

27 de abril del 2014